The Villages

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The Villages is the world’s largest retirement community, spanning 3 counties in the middle of Florida. They drive golf carts everywhere, from Publix to the doctor to any place that sells alcohol. Happy hour goes on all day, every day. They line dance, twerk, party and get drunk every night on the three main squares and surrounding areas. “Key parties” are common. They are recognized as their own city by the residents, though it’s technically a census-designated place.

Residents of The Villages are known as "Villagers."


The Villages is 99% white. Out of the 69,457 people who live there, according to, 68,623 of them are “White alone.” If you like Mexican food, do not go to the Mexican restaurants in The Villages. If you like ethnic food, do not eat in The Villages. There are only chain restaurants. If you like culture, do not go to The Villages.

Effect on the Environment[edit]

Florida Natives[edit]

The Natives consider Villagers to be an invasive force. Many of the locals have been pushed aside for new development.

Often the Natives act as their servants, preparing their food, washing their golf carts and oversized vehicles, and scrubbing their foot fungus (those are three different occupations, mind you). Like any place run by Baby Boomers, the pay is not good.


The Villages has a distinct culture that involves lots of alcohol and sex.


Alcohol is a huge part of life in The Villages. Beer and liquor is cheap, and readily available. They drive around drunk on their golf carts.


Key Parties are common. STDs are rampant. Since they can't get pregnant, they all fuck like rabbits.

Diet Racism[edit]

While most Villagers are not white supremacists like Stupid Redneck Assholes, they do have a hard-on for deporting brown people, and believe that Black Lives Matter is a terrorist group (thanks in part to propaganda and chain emails). Many of them came from a time when black and white people had to drink from different water fountains, so latent racism is built into their system. It's apparent when they refer to the "coloreds" living in Detroit, and make straw man arguments about entire races based on random click-bait articles they find.