American Redneck

From Floridapedia
Jump to: navigation, search
A typical American Redneck.

American Redneck is a term used to distinguish Florida Rednecks from the rest of the rednecks in America. They share many of the same qualities, yes, but there are subtle and sometimes profound differences.

Known also as 'Muricans, these creatures put their patriotism over their humanity. Regional Florida Rednecks are still patriotic, but tend to have more pride in the state of Florida than in the United State of America (also known as the Divided State of Embarrassment).

History[edit]

While American Rednecks will tell you that the term "redneck" comes from having a neck that's red in color from working under the sun, in reality American Rednecks are lazy white trash who sit around and collect welfare.

Rednecks started out as drunk, toothless Europeans in British colonies during the 17th and 18th centuries. Now they are drunk, toothless "Americans" ever since 1776.

For the hard working rednecks, please see Rednecks or Florida Rednecks.

Characteristics[edit]

Obsessed with guns[edit]

Their whole identity is based on what the NRA tells them to do. Making up for their tiny penises, they buy obnoxiously large guns.

Loves the Old Testament[edit]

Since God hates faggots, American Rednecks love to quote the Bible. They totally skip over the Jesus part where the son of God tells everyone to be nice to each other, help the poor, love thy neighbor, and all that other gay libtard shit.

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13 (KJV)

Smells like shit[edit]

American Rednecks exude copious amounts of armpit sweat. They rarely bathe.

Appearance[edit]

American Rednecks are usually seen wearing red, white, blue, and shit stains.

Murican holding gun and bible.jpg

Diet[edit]

The American Redneck survives mostly on bacon, cheap beer, and overwhelming FREEDOM.

Traditions[edit]

  • Mud boggin'
  • Shootin'
  • Drankin'

Family[edit]

Usually these rednecks never leave the trailer park. They inbreed to preserve the "white race," which isn't even really a race, and because normal people won't breed with these creatures.